Keep On Fighting
by scoop-the-warrior
Summary: Hermione is struggling with life. Alone, and giving up, she finds herself on a bridge, wanting to end it...until someone appears. Post DH, Tonks alive, rated for mentions of suicide, DON'T READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED EASILY


I stared down at the rocks, the crashing water below, the cars that seemed like dots to my eyes. They had no idea. None of them had a clue of how life can be for someone like _me._ Chances are that they were driving home from work, driving to a family or friends house for the weekend. Chances are that they're happy, sane.

Unlike me.

After looking around to make sure I was completely alone – which I was – I stepped up the railing with shaking legs, making sure to hold on to the tower bit to stop myself from going off the edge. Of course, it was my intention to do that anyway, but…

Once again I looked down at the people, and the scenery below. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to end it all?

Yes. I did. What did I have going for me anymore? No job, no money, no friends, no _life_. What was the point in sticking around? No one cared whether I lived or became a little red _splat_ on the rocks below. Or maybe I'd land on the highway…that would be a tragic sight for those driving home from work.

Hell, maybe I'd even land right in the water. Saves them from having to do some body recovery thing, the fish and sharks could feed on my flesh and internal organs. Of course, I may not die from the impact right away…

I'd still die, though. I'd never learnt how to swim. I would be a goner no matter where I landed if I relinquished my hold on the tower thing of the bridge and stepped over the edge.

Strangely enough, I didn't feel scared. You'd think that someone would, staring down at the sight that I was. Knowing death would be only a drop away. You'd think I'd be screaming and running away in fear. I wasn't afraid, I wasn't fearful. In fact, I welcomed what it may bring.

Peace.

With that thought firmly in my mind, I let go of the tower slash pole thing that was keeping me stable and lifted my leg to step off the ledge and into the darkness…

"Reckon that would give em all a bit of a shock."

I grabbed hold of the tower thing in shock. Where the hell had the voice come from? I made sure I was stable once again before turning my head slightly – to find someone standing just behind me. Someone quite familiar…her hair, for the most part, was covered by a hood, but I could see the pink strands poking through. Only one person would have pink hair.

Tonks.

I just looked at her, completely unsure of what to say. I could ask how she found me, I could ask what she was doing there…but I didn't. Instead I just looked at her. Apparently she wasn't short of conversational topics, though, because she continued to talk to me.

"You know, the shock of coming across your broken and bloodied body lying on the road. Can you imagine how much damage a fall from up here would do? Hard surface down there; you'd resemble a red pancake."

Such a lovely mental image, but I supposed it was true enough.

"I mean, you could always Apparate halfway through but I reckon that would increase the risk of Splinching because…honestly, it sounds rather dangerous. So would you jumping off here and landing on a broomstick but I get the feeling that's not what you're going to be doing at all, is it?"

She knew me ever so well.

She moved so that she was standing beside me…on the stable part of the bridge, of course. Behind the railings; there was no chance of her falling to her death. Unlike me…

"Nice view, really," Tonks told me softly, leaning beside me. She didn't look at me, though, and for that, I was grateful. I didn't want to have to try and explain what I was doing and I hoped she wasn't going to ask. "I can see why you like it up here. It's peaceful."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Yeah, it was until she decided to come along and ruin my plans. I couldn't do anything with her standing there. And I had the feeling that if I tried, she would jump off, grab me, and Apparate me to somewhere nice and safe.

"Not very talkative today, are you? Well, I suppose that's understandable. I don't think you'd be up here if you were all happy and friendly, would you?"

Tonks was a nice person, she was. But she was starting to get annoying. "You don't know anything about me, or why I am where I am, so shut it." I told her. My voice came out soft and a little hoarse, a mark of how long it had been since I'd spoken to anyone.

"I know you, Hermione," she said softly. "I know you're one of the smartest people I know. I know you have a strong work ethic. I know you worked as hard as possible to keep old Voldy Pants from killing us all; you, along with your friends, saved all of our butts."

I didn't say anything. Those were trivial things.

"I also know," she said slowly, "that you're up here to kill yourself."

She said it so simply, as if she was just talking about me being in supermarket to pick up bread or something. "There's no use denying that, Hermione. That's the only reason why anyone comes up here."

I looked at her, wondering how in the world she knew that. Then it struck me; she was an Auror and no doubt there were lots of people who used the bridge to…leave their lives.

"Then why are _you _here?" I asked, doing my best to glare at her. It was no use, of course. She wasn't even looking at me, instead finding something interesting to study in the clouds.

"That would be because I have a job to do. A job which, unlike your own, does not involve me stepping away from the supports and plunging to my death."

"Then go and do your damn job and leave me alone!"

"Ooh, someone's angry. And here I thought those who wanted to die were depressed and incapable of showing any other emotion," Tonks told me. I rolled my eyes. "Huh. I guess it's wrong, though, because most stereotypes are, aren't they?"

I just grunted. I did agree with that, though, stereotypes were quite stupid. I knew all about that…or I tried to know all about that. I didn't, though. Tonks said I was smart…I wasn't.

"Yeah, you're really not a talker today, are you? Well, don't let me being here hold you up. By all means, jump into the unknown."

That shocked me, and I turned to stare at her – of course, it was ineffective again, but that wasn't the point. "You're not going to tell me to save my own life and walk away?"

"Nope."

Huh. "Most people would."

"I'm not most people, Hermione, you should know that by now. You're here already, you don't need me filling your head with all kinds of crappy boring sayings to try and change your mind. If that's what you're after you came to the wrong person."

"You came up to me!"

"Your powers of observations astound me. It's amazing, it really is." I snorted. Sarcasm; she was a pro at it, I knew that all too well. I'd seen others on the receiving end of it, but I never had been myself. It was an interesting feeling.

Tonks sighed. "Listen, Hermione, maybe I don't know you all too well. Maybe I only know superficial things about your life. And I'm sorry for that, because maybe you need someone else in your life. And for all I know you've just been diagnosed with some terrible terminal illness that'll kill you anyway. I really have no right whether to say you should or shouldn't take one last leap from this life."

"Then why are you here, huh?"

The next thing out of Tonks' mouth shocked the heck out of me. "Very well, then," she said, and actually started to walk away. I sighed in relief. Now that was over…

"But before I go," the woman, who was really starting to get on my nerves, said. I resisted the urge to scream. "You need to know something. I have no _real _idea who you are, that might be true. But I also know if you so wanted to die you would have dropped earlier, not waited around for a while. You would have come up here and jumped straight away, not stood and watched the clouds and the traffic below."

I opened my mouth to say something, but she continued.

"Don't look so surprised. I was up here long before you came along; we received information that…no, I can't tell you that. Point is, I was hidden when you arrived. I was watching you. If you really wanted this, it would have happened by now."

"You don't know that."

"You don't want to die," she continued as if I'd said nothing. "You want to live in peace. Think you'll get that when you're dead? Think again. Think everything will be better when you're dead? It won't. You'll be dead. There's nothing more to it."

"I –"

"Being alive is a privilege, Hermione, and there are thousands who wish they had more time…you should know that, given what went down a few years ago. Don't disrespect those people."

"I thought you weren't gonna give me crappy boring sayings?"

She ignored me, of course. "Life is hard. Death is easy. Fight battles, don't run from them." And with that, the person walked away. I looked at their back, and then down at the traffic below.

And then I jumped.

Two weeks later, I was standing outside the Auror department at the Ministry of Magic. I had never really been there before…I mean, Harry, Ron and I broke in that time but wasn't the same as _being _there.

I stood outside door, wondering if I should walk inside or not. I wanted to…but I couldn't bring myself to move. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go in and face her, not after the way she saw me. No _ever _saw me weak. No one…except her, except Tonks.

I couldn't do it. So I turned to walk away…but just as I did so, I ran right into someone…a female someone, who went tumbling to the ground. Only one person could fall over after a slight knock.

The person I wanted to see was the person I ran into…Tonks herself.

But she didn't _look_ like Tonks. The hair, which should have been pink, was black, which I had _never_ seen on her before, and she wore a suit…and high heels. And that was the main shock because…I couldn't ever imagine Tonks in high heels.

"Goddamn, these stupid shoes…" she mumbled as she picked herself up. And then she saw me. "Hey, Hermione! I'm glad you're here," she said, throwing an arm around my shoulders. That was like the Tonks I knew.

"You are?"

"I am," she confirmed, dragging me through the Auror department and into a room that I assumed was her office. Unlike Tonks herself, it was very organised. I raised an eyebrow at that. "What? I like my workspace tidy. Have you ever misplaced an important document? Because that feeling sucks."

"Yeah…I imagine it does," I said as Tonks sat down on a desk chair. She pulled her shoes off and flung them across the room, muttering something about how they were torture devices. "You look…not very Tonks-like."

She rolled her eyes. "I know. I was in a trial all morning; you have to look good. It's the only downfall about this job. So, Hermione, what brings you by?" She asked, plonking her feet on her desk.

I shrugged. "Um…I wanted to…"

"Apologise? Because that's not necessary."

Was she a mind reader or something? Nah of course not, there was really no such thing, unless she used magic…and I didn't feel her entering my mind. No, more than likely she just knew people's body language; she _was_ a successful Auror.

I leant against the edge of her desk. I had wanted to see her the day after I jumped down from the railing to safety, but I couldn't. Not then. I took the time to mentally prepare myself. Instead, I used the time to go to a few therapy sessions. That was really hard for me to do; I'd heard stories, I knew it wasn't pleasant revisiting the crap that damages us from our past.

But I knew it needed to be done. I needed to live my life…to win the battle.

And now I needed to aplogise to Tonks for what happened that day. It wouldn't be easy; I couldn't even look at her. I'd always looked up to Tonks, she was such a cool older woman, the type of person I always wanted to be, the person I never would be.

"Life has been so bad," I blurted out without even meaning to. Tonks looked at me and raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "It's just gone _so_ downhill. You think I'm smart? I'm not. I've been doing a University course, a degree and I'm _failing_, Tonks! How is that smart? I'm all alone out there, I have no job, no friends, my family are still in Australia because they're so happy there and…life is just crap!" I exclaimed.

Tonks leant forward and placed her elbows on her desk. "So let me get this straight…you wanted to kill yourself because you're failing and have no job?"

When she put it like that, I sounded really rather lame. "Um…"

"The fact that you tried, Hermione, means more than passing everything. I mean you still learnt things, right? So it's not a fail, is it?"

_Yes._ I didn't say that, but Tonks knew what I was thinking.

She smiled slightly at me. "I know, I know, you like to be the best. But this is the real world, the best isn't always possible. Listen, do you have any idea how long it took me to pass all my tests? It wasn't easy. Nothing in life ever is."

"Hogwarts was easy," I mumbled.

"Hogwarts is a school, it's supposed to be easy," she told me. "And what about your Horcrux hunt? That couldn't have been easy."

Okay, I had to give her that one, it wasn't easy. But still, I shrugged. "Harry did most of the work, Ron and I just went along with the flow.

Tonks stood up and leant forward. "Okay, so tell me about Ron and Harry. You said you were alone. From what I remember, you three were as thick as anything. What happened to that?"

I sighed. I hoped she wouldn't ask me that…but there we go. "They…um…they kinda abandoned me when I said I didn't want to do magic the rest of my life," I mumbled, wondering what _she_ would say about that.

"They what?" She asked, her voice oddly low…was that a protective tone I could hear? _No, no way…_

"They said…they said they were wizards, not muggles, and we shouldn't live like them…it's not a bad thing, you know! I always wanted to go to University, and even though I didn't have a normal schooling, I didn't mean that I couldn't –"

"Woah," she held up a hand to stop my babbling. "Calm down, Hermione, you don't need to explain anything to me. Your choices are yours, and you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about them. And you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you're a rather brave person to do it anyway, even after what they said. Listen, I know it sucks, but sometimes…sometimes school friendships don't last. It's sad, but it's true."

I nodded. I had found that out the hard way. Before I could say anything else, though, the door burst open and a young man, who looked rather breathless, ran inside.

"Tonks! Thank God you're here, apparently we've got a lead on Morrow's killer and Boss wants you on the force."

Tonks cursed and turned to me. "Look, I gotta go, Hermione. Listen, I'll contact you, now that I know, I'm not letting you go through this alone. Just keep fighting, okay? _Don't give up_." She said, and then ran from the room, leaving me alone.

_Well, that was…interesting._

A week later, I was in a coffee shop after therapy session when someone bumped into me. As they did, a slip of paper was slid into my hand. Before I could say or do anything, the person disappeared in the crowd.

I pulled it out of my pocket and read it. It was from Tonks.

_Hey, Hermione. Sorry, this case is going on way longer than what anyone intended…seems that we'll be banked up for a few days and I've got to go undercover which is why I'm just dropping this off to you like a…like someone who does stuff like this. _

_I just wanted you to know I haven't forgotten about you, Hermione. I know life can suck right now, but you know what, that's really what makes it worth living. You like to study, surely you know that sometimes, when you figure out something you've been stuck on for the longest time…that's what means the most, you know?_

_I don't even know if I'm making sense, I'm scribbling this quickly. I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten. Nor will I forget. I'm sorry we never got a chance to hang out before, but I swear, from now on, that'll change. Everyone needs someone in their life. Your friends have left you, but that doesn't mean you need to be miserable. There are still people who care. I care. Believe it._

_Don't feel bad about that day. If you want a reason not to, think of it this way: if you didn't go up there, we wouldn't have started talking, would we? Sometimes life gets too hard and we want an out. I know; I've been there before. When we get to meet up, I'll tell you all about it…so long as you do something for me, okay?_

_Keep fighting. Just keep fighting, if not for yourself, but for me. Keep on fighting, and don't run away. Just keep on fighting._


End file.
